Jamie The Very Worst Missionary
Inappropriate remarks, embarrassing antics, and generally lame observations about living life as a Christian missionary in Costa Rica.
Updated: 27 min 5 sec ago
Stuff Missionaries Like: #1 Driving home the importance of not flushing your TP.
p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#990000;"First, a thousand apologies to /span/span/spana href="http://stuffchristianslike.net/"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#990000;"John Acuff of Stuff Christians Like/span/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#990000;" and /span/span/spana href="http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#990000;"Christian Lander of Stuff White People Like/span/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#990000;". Sorry I ganked your ideas. (This must be what sloppy seconds feels like, but worse, because it's thirds.)/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bbr //b/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bInevitably, we have the same conversation with all of our first time house guests./b This scenario is played out all over the world in missionary homes, everyday. It’s the one where we have to explain that, yes, the rumors are true, you ican/i/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"inot/i/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"i /iflush your used toilet paper in _______ (insert country here). There are a whole slew of places that lack the plumbing and infrastructure to whisk away your dirty ditties, and it's our job, as your missionaries, to explain it and enforce it. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Now, if you are anything like our guests, you’re experiencing one of two things right now. You are either /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"totally/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" cool with that information, shrugging your shoulders, like, ‘/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"okay/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", no biggie’ or you are /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"completely disgusted /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"and overwhelmed by the single question running through your mind - If you can’t flush it, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"what/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" do you /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"do/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" with it?/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Well...you throw it away./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Yes, like in the garbage can. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Yes, where other people might see it. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"No, it doesn’t stink./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"No, we don’t put it in ziplock sandwich baggies. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"No, we aren’t grossed out. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Yes, we do empty the bathroom garbage cans./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"No. Not every time./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And then we explain, for emphasis, thatb it’s kind of imperative that you/b/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"b do not flush anything/b/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"b that wasn’t created by (or possibly rejected by) your digestive system/b. We don’t say it outright - but we might /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"imply/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" that if you flush a wad of paper (or a neat, efficient fold - if that’s your thing), Costa Rica will explode, triggering Armageddon and the end of humanity as we know it. So, just, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"be careful./span/span/i/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"i/i/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bAnd it’s true, too./b/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I mean, the part about how we don’t flush our paper because our pipes can’t handle it. So it’s not like we’re making this stuff up to make your cross-cultural experience more uncomfortable. This is how we live. It’s what we do... er.. /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"don’t/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" do. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And we really, really appreciate how seriously our guests take this request. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"We had one couple that, straight up, couldn’t handle the thought of potentially seeing each others fecal remnants. So they asked for a supply of plastic grocery sacks, which they used to immediately dispose of their own stuff/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"./span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" The secrecy and speed with which they made trips to the outside garbage can might have made you think that were taking turns strangling puppies and getting rid of the evidence. span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica, serif; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"But as odd as that may seem, it’s nothing compared to the surprisingly frequent confessions we receive regarding the “fishing” of used TPi out /iof the toilet. Not even kidding. Some people, upon realizing that they’ve accidentally made the drop, see fit to immediately pluck the paper out of the miry depths, lest flushing it /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"actually/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" blow up Costa Rica./span/span/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bCan you/b/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"b imagine/b/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"b?!.../b/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bfishing it out?!/b/span/span/i/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"You would be amazed at how often I have heard this confession. /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Amazed/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". And every time, I think the same thing; 1) Ew,ew,ew!/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" Why are they saying this out loud/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"?! This is the kind of secret that should die with someone!, and 2) This is a remarkably /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"good/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" person. Like, the kind of person that does the right thing even when nobodies watching, and at great personal expense. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbbr //b/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bI have my own confession to make: /b I occasionally flush my toilet paper. I just forget, and down it goes. It doesn’t even phase me. Never has. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"It may not seem like that big of a deal, but there’s such a glaring difference between me and the people that fish it out. bI find myself so far from that kind of selflessness that it's embarrassing ./b Ya know? Like, the kind of selflessness that says I’m gonna do something super oogy because it’s what’s best for this home and this country. span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:12px;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And I’m left wondering, as always, how it is that /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I’m/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" the missionary and /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"they’re/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" the guest, when I have so much to learn, and they have so much to teach.../span/span/span/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"The end. /span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bSo, I was gonna ask if you’re a wadder or a folder... and then I was like, Why on God's green earth/b/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"b would I ever want to know that?!?! /b/span/span/span/pdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:100%;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:12px;"br //span/span/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-5319954674888671836?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/jZTt70PLygM" height="1" width="1"/
I like you, just don't touch me.
p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I really don’t like to be touched./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" It’s not that it’s a particularly bad thing, it’s just that when you touch me, it makes me want to punch you in the face./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I can’t explain it. It’s just a /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"thing/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" for me. Ya know?/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:12px;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Some people just have a very clearly defined personal space bubble. I’m one of them. When you cross into my bubble, it’s like I can feel the air pressure change. It makes me uncomfortable. I mean, I’m not a huge freak about it, like, I won’t go to great lengths to keep you away, but I will be aware, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"very aware,/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" if you are lingering too closely. If you happen to be a habitual crosser of what I deem an acceptable distance, I /span/spanbispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"may*/span/span/i/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" avoid you. /span/span/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I’m not a hugger. I’m not a close-talker. I’m not a forearm caresser./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" I will not whisper a secret in your ear - and if you whisper one in mine, I will physically shudder. /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Yes. /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"You will /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"see/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" the disgust shiver up my spine and out through my shoulders, like a dry heave...coming straight from my soul. And don’t /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"even/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" play that I’m-putting-my-hands-over-your-eyes-to-make-you-guess-who’s-standing-behind-you game with me. You /span/spanbispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"may*/span/span/i/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" regret it./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"i/i/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Of course, there are exceptions to this aversion; My husband and my kids. With them, I have no limits, no bubbles, no spine tingling heeby-jeebies. But even so, there are occasions that I say to them,/span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" “Can you just, please, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"back off/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"?”/span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I know. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I only get more and more charming/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", right?/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"(For the record, I don’t talk to myself. I’m not a light switch flicker, a lock checker, or a hand washer. I don’t count my steps or avoid sidewalk cracks like my life depends on it. And this is not a germ thing, as in I am not paralyzed by some fear of catching the plague from a handshake. I think of it more as a preference than a neurosis. Ya know? Like, I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"prefer/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;" that you keep your paws to yourself, but I’ll still willingly receive your hug. I /span/spanbispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"may*/span/span/i/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;" not like it, but I’ll play along.)/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"When we were in Chicago for the whole missionary training deal, one of the things we did was go into the city for a cultural day. We went to an area that’s pretty densely populated with Somalian refugees. It was actually really cool, and we had the privilege of meeting a woman who was forced to flee her home in Africa after telling her family of a dream she’d had about Jesus. Her own brother tried to kill her, stabbing her, and throwing a pot of boiling water on her. She told us her story in broken English, wearing a traditional Somali ‘guntiino’, and the fresh scars of her brother’s attack. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I cried. /span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Afterward, we walked to a restaurant for a typical Somali lunch. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"It was hot, so hot, I’m guessing, like, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"a million/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" degrees./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" (And on a sidenote, I’m from California, which is /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"awesome/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" compared to the rest of the world with it’s oppressive, hair ruining humidity!) By the end to the first block, our new Somali friend was walking by my side, not talking to me, just walking /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"right next to me/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". There were others; missionaries in training who wanted to be linguists, asking about her native tongue, and how do you say such and such, and what does this or that mean. And missionaries in training who wanted to go to Africa, and what are the houses like in Somalia, and what is the food like, and is there coffee... And then there was me, silent, painfully aware of how close she was, how our every step matched, how she was getting closer./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"By the second block, she had taken my hand./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"So there we were, walking hand in hand, like old friends, or sisters. Except that I don’t hold hands with my old friends...or my sisters...because I don’t like to be /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"touched/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". a href="http://stevenwrightcr.blogspot.com/"El Chupacabra /akept stealing glances back at us. I’m sure he was waiting to see what I would do, counting the minutes until I stopped to bend down and tie the laces on my flip flops, or pulled away to dig in my purse for a non-existent cell phone, anything to break the grip, to release me from my own discomfort. But all I could think of was her hand on mine, and how it was so smooth and firm, like it had been polished by the years of a life I couldn’t imagine, and how my hand must have felt like a child to hers, soft and plush and smelling of coconut lime verbena. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"By the third block, things were off the hizzle./span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Somehow, she had pulled me/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" even closer/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", bringing my hand, along with my /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"entire arm/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" across the front of her body, so that now my left hand was in her left hand and her right arm was wrapped around my back, in a soft hug that ended with her hand resting on my hip. But the /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"best/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" part was that, inexplicably, my left arm was /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"under/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" the wrap that made up the front of her guntiino. /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Under it/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" And you know what else?/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" It was also tucked neatly under/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"her boobs..../span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"under/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".../span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"her/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".../span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"boobs/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". My arm. Under boobs. /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"yyeeeah.../span/span/i/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"We must have looked like the Yin and Yang of conjoined twins./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" Black and White. Hard and Soft. Intimate and Scared out of her ever loving mind. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"We walked six blocks like that. Six agonizing blocks, and she never said one word to me. Not one. We just walked along, sweating all over each other, and I do mean ALL over each other. We were touching, nearly from armpit to ankle, touching and walking. But I wasn’t writhing inside, as you might imagine, because my arm was the meat in a boob and belly sandwich. No, in fact, I hardly thought of that at all. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" The thing that most disturbed me, the sensation I just couldn’t let go of as we swayed along in the heat, very much /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"together/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", was the feeling of her hand on my hip. /span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And to this day, when I think of that woman, I think of a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2032:22-32amp;version=NIV"Jacob wrestling with God in the desert/a. I think of God touching Jacob’s hip, disabling him - /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"humbling/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"him/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" - so that he could receive the blessing for which he’d been begging, and fighting, and hanging on so tightly. In the end, we see Jacob limping away into the sunset. Injured but satisfied. Hobbled but holding God’s blessing. That’s kinda how I felt after that day, humbled but blessed./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And I finally understood what Jacob meant when he said “ I have seen God face to face, and yet my life was spared.” /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I learned, that day, that meeting with God can be painfully intimate business. But when I allow it, when I wrestle through it no matter how long it takes and no matter how uncomfortable I get, and when I hang on looong enough, in the end, God /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"can*/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" humble me, and He /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"may*/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" even bless me. And then, one of these days, I /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"might*/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" get to link arms with a stranger, and hold on to them as they fight it out, too. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I only hope that I can do so with as much grace and as much dignity as my Somali /span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"friend allowed me/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"...but with less boob, like, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"way/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" less boob./span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"/span/span/pspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Weird, isn’t it, how the things that change us the most are sometimes the last thing we’d ever want?/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"br //span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; "*will/span/span/span/span/p/spandivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:100%;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:12px;"/spanb/bi/ibr //span/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-4512745055495979920?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/L5bXppvnKyY" height="1" width="1"/
Waffle x Toast = Belgexan
divbr //divdivToday I'm honored to be guest posting for a href="http://www.belgexan.com/"the Belgexans/a. They're, basically, what happens when Texas Toast marries a Belgian Waffle. I know, it sounds kinda scary, but I think you'll really like them. Plus? Their kids are super cute. And blogs featuring cute kids are way more enjoyable than blogs featuring ugly kids. Believe me./divdivbr //divdivBut here's the thing, I sent the post to Des last night at like 3am, and then I was crazy busy all day with Father's Day and junk, and then we had overnight guests arrive at our house, and then I ate 4 brownies, and then everyone went to bed except for me cause I wanted to write this post to link to a href="http://www.belgexan.com/"my guest post at the Belgaxans, /aso I reread the guest post so that I could say something relevant about it in the link post, and guess what!? ...bI absolutely hated it. I think it's iawful/i./b/divdivbr //divdivbAnd now I'm so bummed. /b/divdivbr //divdivBut I hope you'll still go and read "a href="http://www.belgexan.com/"I'm a missionary, get out of my way!/a" and I hope you don't hate it, too, but either way, I really, ireally/i hope you'll leave funny, clever, encouraging comments over there so that their peeps know how cool the VWM community is! /divdivbr //divdiv(Actually, I hope you like it. iActually?/i I hope iGod/i likes it. ...But if you like it, too, that would be, like...a ibonus/i, ya know?) ba href="http://www.belgexan.com/"Ok, go... go read it./a/b *bites nails*/divdivbr //divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-7403562277598283439?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/cyH75x9IJdE" height="1" width="1"/
I implore you.
div style="text-align: center;"br //divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"Don't waste your Saturday here./span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"br //span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"Go/span/bibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;" do/span/b/ibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;" something./span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bbr //b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bimg style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 302px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/TB0NfC4BjwI/AAAAAAAAAkw/vU7_WO4VObU/s400/Picture+27.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484554748206092034" //b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bbr //b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;"Go on./span/b/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-466854587737203449?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/eFuQwp5fzFY" height="1" width="1"/
Missionary on missionary action.
bI haven't written anything all week. span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "(Except for ipart/i of the guest post I promised, and ipart /iof the a href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-didnt-even-swear-this-time-no-wait.html"debut Stuff Missionaries Like/a post, and ipart/i of a response to an email from a hater, and ipart/i of a thank you note to a supporter.) So yeah. Have you met me? I'm chaos./span/bdivbr //divdivThis is all because we have a short-term work team here and I've been cooking lunch for them everyday. You would not ibelieve/i how much of a time suck it is. I get up with the kids at 5:45 am, and I have to be out the door to catch the bus to get to work by 9:30. So that only leaves me, like, 3 hours to enjoy my coffee. Oh, and did I mention the part about having to get dressed every day? Pshhh./divdivbr //divdivBut, I wanted to pop in and tell you something kinda cool. /divdivbr //divdivba href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/06/your-grace-period-has-expired.html"Remember when I was all/a/ba href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/06/your-grace-period-has-expired.html", "I'm not gonna go around pretending like I don't speak spanish anymore!"?/a Well. The other day I was at the fruit stand, and I isooooo/i wanted to keep my mouth shut and just stand there pointing at pineapples and bananas and junk, cause I know that if I point someone will get me what I want. But I didn't. I spoke. I asked questions. I made small talk. I pretended to understand the clerk when she made small talk. It was awesome. bBut, the best part?/b There was this guy there, and he was staring at me like a creeper the whole time; as I was picking out mangos, and asking prices, and trying to figure out what the hell that little greenish, brownish, mushyish things was and if I wanted to eat it. He was practically following me around the market. Actually, he iwas/i following me around the market. So he overheard all of my conversations. He finally came up to me as I was paying and he said - not making this up! - he said, "Are you Tica?" /divdivbr //divdivAnd I was like, "No, I'm a Gringa."/divdivbr //divdivbIsn't that COOL?!?! /b/divdivbr //divdivOk. Lemme explain. It's because "Tica" means iCosta Rican/i. So I have blond hair and blue eyes and pale skin and I don't know what the green mushy thing is, and this guy is istill /iwonderingi /iif I'm a Tica. Do you know what that means? That means my spanish is pretty much iamazing!! /iAll I have to do is open my mouth and use it! Thankyouverymuch./divdivbr //divdivAnyway, bI was really encouraged by that/b. So I wanted to share it with you. /divdivbr //divdivAnd since I don't have time to write a legit post, I'm leaving you with this little gem. It's a streamlined recreation of a conversation that I had with another missionary this morning. She's in freaking iTuscany/i, enjoying the luxurious vacation she's been sent on by a generous supporter. And she's trying to make me jealous. I hope you enjoy this bit of missionary on missionary action brought to you by Twitter:/divdivbr //divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@soandso I've decided I may randomly DM @/span/spana class="tweet-url username" href="http://twitter.com/JamieTheVWM" rel="nofollow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; text-decoration: none; color: rgb(143, 29, 14); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"JamieTheVWM/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" different things I'm doing in Tuscany to create missionary envy./span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"br //span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@/span/spana class="tweet-url username" href="http://twitter.com/JamieTheVWM" rel="nofollow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; text-decoration: none; color: rgb(143, 29, 14); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"JamieTheVWM/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" I hate you/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@/span/spana class="tweet-url username" href="http://twitter.com/JamieTheVWM" rel="nofollow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; text-decoration: none; color: rgb(143, 29, 14); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"JamieTheVWM/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" Oh my. @soandso/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" 's DMs are like vacation porn. Not gonna lie, I'm lusting./span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"br //span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@soandso/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" /span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"I almost feel like I can't talk about it. Like it's so awesome that people might start genuinely hating me :-)/span/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"br //span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@/span/spana class="tweet-url username" href="http://twitter.com/JamieTheVWM" rel="nofollow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; text-decoration: none; color: rgb(143, 29, 14); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"JamieTheVWM/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" You can tell me AAALLLL about it!! I'm seriously, SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!/span/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@/span/spana class="tweet-url username" href="http://twitter.com/JamieTheVWM" rel="nofollow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; text-decoration: none; color: rgb(143, 29, 14); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"JamieTheVWM/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" Also? I love the idea of someone actually HATING you because of this amazing gift!! They'd have to be a total douche canoe!/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"br //span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@soandso/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" /span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"I've had some very 'interesting' comments about when missionaries actually do something non-missionary; that it's mis-using/span/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@soandso/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" /span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"donations or giving people the wrong impression. always makes me hesitant and I think, "is it worth it?"/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@soandso/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" /span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"but then I have to remind myself, that is their issue and not mine!/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"br //span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@/span/spana class="tweet-url username" href="http://twitter.com/JamieTheVWM" rel="nofollow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; text-decoration: none; color: rgb(143, 29, 14); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"JamieTheVWM/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" I know exactly wht y're talking about. Like some people feel that we took a vow of poverty the day we became missionaries./span/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@/span/spana class="tweet-url username" href="http://twitter.com/JamieTheVWM" rel="nofollow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; text-decoration: none; color: rgb(143, 29, 14); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"JamieTheVWM/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" Yes!! Your well-being is worth it! Our everyday lives are SO amplified by our circumstances that OF ALL PEOPLE.../span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@/span/spana class="tweet-url username" href="http://twitter.com/JamieTheVWM" rel="nofollow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; text-decoration: none; color: rgb(143, 29, 14); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"JamieTheVWM/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" ...missionaries NEED vacations. Breaks. Getaways. Periods of recovery. Rehab. We need time to just.... *be*./span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"br //span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); line-height: normal; "divspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@soandso/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" /span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"I know right! People don't look down their nose when their pastor takes a vacation, but missionaries? Apparently our LIFE is a/span/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@soandso/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" /span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"vacation so why would we need one? whatevs. Perception vs. reality and it's hard to convince those who know it all./span/span/span/span/div/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); line-height: normal; "divspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"br //span/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@/span/spana class="tweet-url username" href="http://twitter.com/JamieTheVWM" rel="nofollow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; text-decoration: none; color: rgb(143, 29, 14); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"JamieTheVWM/span/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" Exactly! Screw 'em! ;) Enjoy your time there to the fullest - for missionaries everywhere!! :)/span/span/span/div/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"br //span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@soandso/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" /span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"amen!/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Lucida Grande', sans-serif;font-size:130%;color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 16px;font-size:14px;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I know it seems like a rant, but it's not, it's a prayer. You can tell because it ended with "/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"amen/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"". Actually, it ended with:/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#333333;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(7, 12, 15); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"@soandso/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;" okay I feel better now. Back to my private pool - sipping my new favorite Italian wine before heading off to dinner :)/span/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Lucida Grande', sans-serif;font-size:130%;color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 16px;font-size:14px;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And then I said, out loud, in a /span/span/bibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"super/span/span/b/ibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" snotty voice, "Whatever!" /span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And that was it. You're welcome./span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#070C0F;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I could use a vacation. You? Any vacation plans for the summer?/span/span/span/span/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-1863166345312777334?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/p4LU-jYaeLI" height="1" width="1"/
I didn't even swear this time... no wait, yeah...yeah, I did.
p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"This is going to be a crazy busy week./span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I’m not 100% sure how it’s going to pan out, but I’ll either post a bunch of stuff this week because a href="http://stevenwrightcr.blogspot.com/"El Chupacabra/a will have to work until 10pm everyday, which frees me up to write after the kids are in bed, OR, I’ll be too tired and busy picking up the slack because a href="http://stevenwrightcr.blogspot.com/"El Chupacabra /ahas to work until 10pm everyday that I won’t write anything at all. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I guess we’ll just see what happens./span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"If I make my kids eat cereal and peanut butter and jelly and stuff like that for dinner, then I’ll definitely have time to throw something together to post. That’s probably what I’ll do, cause I’ve been wanting to do another installment of “a href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2009/11/ask-jamie-how-missionaries-do-it.html"Ask Jamie How Missionaries Do It/a” and also, I’m thinking of starting a new monthly series on the VWM, called “Stuff Missionaries Like”, but I haven’t decided if that would be totally lame or not. Obviously, it’s a complete and total rip-off of a href="http://stuffchristianslike.net/"Jon Acuff’s span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: none;"Stuff Christian’s Like/span/a, which is a complete and total rip-off of a href="http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/"Christian Lander’s span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: none;"Stuff White People Like/span./a And I’m not sure how I feel about doing a rip-off of a rip-off. It’s seems kinda desperate. But, at the same time, I have a list of potential Stuff Missionaries Like material that could keep me posting for a year. Plus? I think it would be cool to invite some of the other missionaries that frequent this site to guest post about, saaay, “Showing You How To Use The Weird Foreign Toilet.” or “Telling The Locals You Have Raging Diarrhea in A Language You Can’t Understand While You’re Standing Right There.”/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;"Anyway, I think it has potential, so, if I have time, you can expect that later this week. No, but really, is it /spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"lame/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"? Cause /spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I don't wanna do it if it's lame.../span/b/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Oh, and I’ll definitely be doing a guest post for another blog soon, cause I said I would, and which I’m /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"totally/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" happy to do, but I gotta admit, it freaks me out. I mean, I’m not, like.../span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"a writer/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"...ya know? I’m mostly an abrasive jerk who doesn’t know or care about using proper punctuation. And that’s cool when it’s just you and me, cause you accept me for who I am, and you already know what you’re in for when you click in this direction. But, right now, there are some unsuspecting innocents out there who don’t even know that they’re about to be accosted by unsavory language, crude idioms, and a generally irreverent view of the world on their regular missionary blog. That said, I’m pretty excited about it and I love the subject matter, so it will definitely be fun! /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"The last thing is, /spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"I’d like to ask you to pray for me, for /span/b/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"us /span/b/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"really, in a couple of ways, but I really can’t decide how specific I wanna get about it all. /span/b/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bbr //b/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanimg style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 249px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/TBVC2DVwgxI/AAAAAAAAAko/5IcOqfeTZK4/s320/Picture+20.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5482361617770382098" //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;"No, no, /spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"a href="http://stevenwrightcr.blogspot.com/"El Chupacabra/a/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;" and I aren’t on the verge of divorce or anything like that (actually, we’re pretty darn good), but there are other things which we’re facing as a family; decisions to be made, losses to be grieved, finances to be sought, minor but irritating illnesses to get over. So rather than throw it all out there, carelessly and bluntly (the way I /spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"iusually/i/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;" do), I’m just gonna ask that you remember our family in prayer this week. We would be sincerely grateful for that. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;"And I’d really love to pray for you too, if you’d like. But be warned, I pray just like I write, and I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"will /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"ask God to bombard you with shitloads of grace, or heal the crap out of you, or bless you like an m-f-er, or whatever the case may be... /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"That’s just how I roll./span/b/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:medium;"br //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"So, if you’re cool with that, leave your prayer needs in the comments and I will pray the hell out of them./span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"P.S. I just put that pic in because I wanted to make you think that I'm trying to send you a subliminal message that my petition for prayer was so vague because I couldn't outright tell you that El Chupacabra has been spanking me for not "store testing" for fresher coffee.... which I'm not saying he has...buuut..... ;) ---that's a winky face, whatever that means. :\ ---- that's a shruggy "you decide" face. :| ---- straight face. Oh dear. /span/span/pdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-3772492385766747007?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/6lpV_JfZ7Os" height="1" width="1"/
Maybe your grace period has expired.
p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Most people have an oral crutch like “um” or “uh” which they they use to pause and gather their thoughts as they converse. bMy /b/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"boral crutch is “I’m sorry but I don’t speak spanish very well.”/b/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Yeah.../span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"It’s kinda long./span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"But it does two important things for me. One, it buys me some time to process what whoever I’m talking to has just said. span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:12px;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"But the /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"other/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" thing it does, the really cool thing it does, is ibeg forgiveness/i. In fact, sometimes I actually say, “You’ll have to forgive my Spanish, it’s horrible.”/span/span/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bIt works wonders./b The person on the receiving end of that statement instantly transforms into a mini-tutor, speaking slowly, enunciating carefully, and repeating themselves with the purpose and determination of a kindergarten teacher in September to help me along in the conversation. span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:12px;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"It’s /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"awesome/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';". /span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"It’s also /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"terribly/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" manipulative./span/span/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"So the other day I was talking with someone and, as is my custom, I said something like, “Forgive me, I’m still getting used to things here in Costa Rica.”, and he smiled and said, “Oh, how long have you been here?”/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"“....Well...I’ve been here for...../span/span/spanspan style="font: 11.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"three/span/span/spanspan style="font: 9.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"..../spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"years/span/span/span/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;".../span” /span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:12px;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"He didn’t say it, but I could see the disappointment behind his eyes. He was thinking, /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"“Three years is a long damn time to be ‘getting used to things”. span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"And /spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-weight: normal; font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:12px;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"I could /span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"feel/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" the embarrassment burning a path straight from my chest, up the sides of my neck and onto to my cheeks, like a lighthouse beacon, screaming, “Watch Out! This chick is asking for iway/i more grace than she deserves!!”/span/span/span/span/span/b/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bIt’s been bugging me ever since. /b/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"See, the thing is, it took that particular moment for me to realize that it’s just not /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"reasonable /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"for me be asking other people to take on the burden of my inability to communicate at this point. It’s not /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"reasonable/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" for me to expect the people here to continue to treat me as though I just stepped off the plane, /span/spanbispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"three years/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" after the fact. /span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"It’s not cool. It looks bad. Like, really, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"really/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" bad. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"It’s like the grace period for figuring things out has expired. /span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"And then that got me to thinking about other junk that I’ve been hanging on to (crap that I’ve let linger in my life but that really should have been gone looong ago) while saying, too often and for too long, “Whoops, sorry! But you forgive me, right, God? You’ll give me more time to get it together, figure things out, ya know, ‘get used to things’....Won’t you, God?” /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"And it’s not that He’ll says no. It’s not that He might put the brakes on the mountains of grace that He piles on my head every day. That’s not it at all. span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:12px;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bI’m /b/span/span/spanspan style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px"ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bnot/b/span/span/i/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"b saying that there’s a /b/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"blimit/b/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"b to God’s grace. /bI know that God doesn’t give us time frames, nor does He turn from us when we fail to let go of the things that continually tear our gaze from Him. I’m just saying that at some point we could be relying so heavily on God’s grace that it’s more of a manipulation than it is a necessity ./span/span/span/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bDoes that even make sense?/b/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bbr //b/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"I’m saying that, personally, I would rather invoke /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"grace/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" than actually /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"change/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';". And that’s not ok. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Speaking spanish is freaking hard work. It makes my brain go all wonky. It takes study, and practice, and time that I could be using to write a blog, or lay in the sun, or eat cupcakes or something. (Yeah. I said cupcakeSss, plural. Back off.) It’s just that it’s /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"waaay/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" easier for me to demand grace from others than it is for me to change myself. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bSo I decided to ditch my oral crutch./b Not even kidding. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"I hired a tutor and said, “forgive my terrible spanish” for the last time! (It was on the bus. A guy asked me where the last stop was and I said “Sorry, I no espeaky espaneesh!”. Ironically, I was on my way to see the tutor. But I haven’t said it since.... Ok... I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"have/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';". BUT I’m not going to /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"anymore/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';".) So that’s pretty cool, right?/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"And I think I’ll be putting in a little more effort in some other areas as well because span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:12px;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"I really don't want to get face to face with God and have Him be all, “Jeez, 89 years seems like a /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"hell/span /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"of a lot of time to break a caffeine addiction.” Ya know?... bHow embarrassing would /bibthat/b/ib be?/b/span/span/span/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"What's iYOUR/i oral crutch?/span/span/pdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:100%;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:12px;"br //span/span/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-4463250902086276946?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/Xv6IjxGOwfg" height="1" width="1"/
Introducing...drumroll please...
div style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"I'd like you to meet the newest member of our precario KidsClub! /span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"br //diva onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/TA_zb_xZDII/AAAAAAAAAkg/J6z1A6G4icM/s1600/Picture+17.png" style="text-decoration: none;"img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 315px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/TA_zb_xZDII/AAAAAAAAAkg/J6z1A6G4icM/s400/Picture+17.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480866933833796738" //adivdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;"Isn't she a just little doll?!/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"bbr //b/span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"bI am iSO/i in love!!! *swoon*/b/span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"bbr //b/span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"Oh! By the way....If you are a Gringo douchebag who dumps sperm in poor prostitutes while in Costa Rica "on business" or "fishing", then:/span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"br //span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;" bCongratulations! You have beautiful daughter! /b/span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"bbr //b/span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"And I'm sure you'll want to know that her cleft palate is healing nicely, and she doesn't seem to mind at all that she'll be growing up in one of the poorest, most dangerous slums in the country. She's an absolute sweetheart!/span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"br //span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"Sorry if I'm coming across a little iangry... /iIt's just that, well, I'd like to see you castrated. /span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"br //span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"No. Really. /span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"br //span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"iI would/i./span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"br //divdiv style="text-align: left;"This very angry missionary is praying for you, sir./divdiv style="text-align: left;"br //divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'Trebuchet MS';font-size:large;"b“You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result.” Genesis 50:20 NIV/b/span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"br //span/div/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-3596125953578456433?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/gwGacmGDofk" height="1" width="1"/
Parasites CAN be funny.
p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bYou wanna hear something weird? /bI always feel kinda /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bad/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" when I post about my dirty birds in the precario. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"I worry that you’ll be like, “Oh/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" jeez/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';". Jamie, please do not try to be all /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"deep/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"...or.../span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"serious/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';". I come here to /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"laugh/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';". /span/span/spanspan style="font: 10.0px Georgia; letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"at you/span/span/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';".” And, like, you might think I duped you into reading about poor kids that smell like poo by first luring you in with a mildly amusing story about a href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/04/yes-i-did-give-birth-control-pill-to-9.html"how I gave a birth control pill to a little boy/a. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Georgia"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Seriously. Sometimes I waste thought on these kinds of things./span/span/b/spanspan style="font: 12.0px Georgia; letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" /span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Georgia"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"bbr //b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"When I wrote /spana href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/05/law-of-probability-can-bite-me.html"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"this post from the other day/span/aspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", I originally put this little “warning” at the beginning:/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia; min-height: 14.0px"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"b*/b/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bThis post is not intended to make you feel like a douchebag. It might. But lets be honest - it can't /b/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"balways/b/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"b be about a href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/05/missionaries-probably-shouldnt-be.html"strippers/a and a href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/05/being-like-herpes-object-lesson-in.html"herpes/a and a href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2009/10/this-really-happened.html"pervy lizards getting in my pants/a. I mean, that stuff is pretty funny, but it isn’t always really fulfilling. So pardon me while I fulfill myself.... span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"uh../spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"./span/b/span/span/i/spanspan style="font: 10.0px Georgia; letter-spacing: 0.0px"ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"that came out wrong/span/b/span/i/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"./span/b/span/i/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia; min-height: 14.0px"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"i/i/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"br //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"And then I deleted it. Well, I cut it and pasted here because I was like, “Oh my gosh, what is /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"wrong/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" with me? I am APOLOGIZING for talking about /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"marginalized children!/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" Who does that?!.... I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"have/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" to blog about this.” So I am./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Georgia; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Anyway. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"It’s just that life can’t /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"always/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" be funny/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';". Ya know? There’s nothing funny about what those kids were born into. span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica, serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Trust me. If there was something even /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"remotely/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" (yet inappropriately) funny about it, I would be the first to point it out (and make everyone around me uncomfortable). span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "But I have yet to find the funny in malnutrition./span/span/span/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"b/b/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"br //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Granted, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"parasites /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"can be funny. /span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Like there was this one time when a particular childlike member of a certain white missionary family stood straight up at the table /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"in a restaurant /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"with HUGE eyes and announced with the calm and poise of a president at war, “I just pooped my pants.”, and then promptly covered ever square inch of a hotel lobby in vomit on our way back to our room./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"I mean/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" that/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" was funny!/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"So yeah, parasites are /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"hilarious/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"! But only when they’re in the bellies of white American kids who’s parents can afford to buy the medicine to kill them (medicine that the pharmacist told me “will kill all the types of /span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"animals/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" living in your son” What a /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"relief/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';".)/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"But. Parasites are /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"only/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" funny when your kid has juicy farts /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"AND /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"owns/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"more than one pair of underwear. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Or when you can keep filling your kid with Gatorade and toast faster than he can crap it/puke it out. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Or when you have a family of five and 3 toilets. But NOT when you have a family of 11 and no toilets. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"bSee what I mean?/b/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#336666;"Parasites in my kids = Funny/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#336666;"Parasites in precario kids that could die from dehydration = Not funny/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#336666;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#336666;"A missionary Mom harassing/neglecting her kids who will someday get rich off the memoir material she’s given them = Funny/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#336666;"A precario Mom throwing a rock at her kid’s head because he didn’t come inside when she screamed at him = Not funny/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#336666;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#336666;"Married missionaries in an all out screaming/throwing stuff match right up to the minute the students arrives for small group Bible Study = Freaking Hilarious/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#336666;"Unwed teenage Moms popping out baby after baby in a single room tin shack = Not Freaking Hilarious at all/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Uuuumm. I don’t really have a point. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"I guess I just wanted to sayb thanks/b for sticking with me when you pop in to the VWM for a smile and instead find, like, 20 pictures of grimy kids with rotting teeth that won’t have as many calories today as you slowly sipped in your morning latte./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"You guys are awesome. Seriously. /span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"So. /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"Have you ever pooped your pants in a restaurant?/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" or anywhere else?/span/span/span/pdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:100%;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:12px;"br //span/span/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-395513211836293082?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/psDoHUaqBDY" height="1" width="1"/
The Law of Probability. (can bite me)
div style="text-align: left;"I tweeted this the other day...you know...ia href="http://twitter.com/JamieTheVWM"on Twitter/a/i:/divdiv style="text-align: left;"br //divdiv style="text-align: center;"a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XNUQbnPSI/AAAAAAAAAhQ/7jAo6tEG_WE/s1600/Picture+10.png"img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XNUQbnPSI/AAAAAAAAAhQ/7jAo6tEG_WE/s400/Picture+10.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473506670030568738" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 52px; " //a/divdiv style="text-align: left;"And I totally believed it when I left the house. I totally believed, just like I do a href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-meet-with-poverty-on-tuesdays.html"every Tuesday/a, that I was gonna go to the precario and love on these kids, play with them, hold them, feed them, and all that good stuff, and then,i because I showed up/i, their little lives would be changed forever./divdiv style="text-align: left;"br //divdiv style="text-align: left;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"Yes. I can be iexceptionally/i dumb at times./span/b/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"bbr //b/span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"It's funny that I think I can make a difference. Laughable really. The real truth is that one stupid banana per week and a hug from a white missionary lady is probably iNOT/i going to change anybody's life. /span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/divdiv style="text-align: left;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"No. bThe law of probability tells a different story. /bIt tells me that I'm iprobably/i not making a bit of difference, and that.../span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bbr //b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "...she will iprobably/i still be pregnant by the time she's 14./span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_WBHr8RbhI/AAAAAAAAAgw/TmOiUBpZtq4/s1600/Picture+7.png"img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_WBHr8RbhI/AAAAAAAAAgw/TmOiUBpZtq4/s320/Picture+7.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473422891193298450" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 235px; height: 320px; " //a/divdiv style="text-align: center;"br //divdiv style="text-align: center;"b...h/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "e will iprobably /ibe a gang-banger when he grows up. /span/divimg style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/TAaPyuG4NnI/AAAAAAAAAjw/8yMoeQf-jsg/s320/Picture+19.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478224098275898994" /div style="text-align: center;"br //divdiv style="text-align: center;"b...she will /bibprobably/b/ib lose that smile to Meth addiction./b/divdivdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: underline;"img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 302px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XWwFaGV1I/AAAAAAAAAiQ/Wk9d6XY9WyQ/s320/Picture+26.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473517043712415570" //span/span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: underline;"bbr //b/span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "...he will iprobably/i end up in jail./span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; color: rgb(0, 0, 238); "span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: underline; "img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/TAaOw3L3MSI/AAAAAAAAAjo/vd76rRCPOkU/s320/Picture+18.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478222966841356578" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 234px; height: 320px; " //span/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"br //divdiv style="text-align: center;"b...she will /bibprobably/b/ib not go to school past the 6th grade./b/divimg style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 226px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XPlUTj9xI/AAAAAAAAAhw/HWGwiqGMQA0/s320/Picture+15.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473509162151573266" /div style="text-align: center;"bbr //b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"b...she will /bibprobably/b/ib survive by selling her body./b/divimg style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 206px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XPSBCHCzI/AAAAAAAAAho/770qI6WenOQ/s320/Picture+14.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473508830560586546" /div style="text-align: center;"bbr //b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "div style="text-align: center; "b...he will iprobably/i abandon his wife and children, just like his Dad did./b/div/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XOSsBh2fI/AAAAAAAAAhY/5_c5BfEXde8/s320/Picture+8.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473507742589245938" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 246px; height: 320px; " //span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bbr //b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bi...Probably/i none of them will ever leave this prison of poverty./b/divimg style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 250px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XOp1Z3SuI/AAAAAAAAAhg/gt6H83dQR-E/s320/Picture+12.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473508140244224738" /div style="text-align: left;"bbr //b/div/divdivdiv style="text-align: left;"The law of probability says that none of these kids will remember us, and.../divdiv style="text-align: left;"br //divdiv style="text-align: center;".b..they iprobably/i won't care that we played with them./b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XVIHlP_uI/AAAAAAAAAiA/vpHTfwAX5qU/s320/Picture+16.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473515257589661410" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 284px; " //divdiv style="text-align: center;"bbr //b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"b....they iprobably/i will never know how much we loved them./b/divimg style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/TAaR8t2ClpI/AAAAAAAAAj4/5gade2pM1p8/s320/Picture+23.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478226469027223186" /div style="text-align: center;"br //divdiv style="text-align: center;"...bprobably,/b bthey'll never know the power of their own love, or how it has changed my life, changed ime/i./b/divimg style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 272px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XTIoDk1cI/AAAAAAAAAh4/n-rbEklOmW4/s320/Picture+25.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473513067283535298" /a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XNUQbnPSI/AAAAAAAAAhQ/7jAo6tEG_WE/s1600/Picture+10.png"/adiv style="text-align: left;"bThe poor kids in the precario will /bibprobably/b/ib never know about how/bib they /b/ibtaught /bibme/b/ib aaaall about the law of probability. /b Because the very same Law of Probability that is trying so hard to hold them down, is the one that says a wild child, a href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/05/um-thats-my-son-not-my-boyfriend-ew.html"knocked-up at 17/a, and raised believing that all Christians were dumbasses will never, ever, ever in a million years and a thousand lifetimes, fall in love with Jesus and give up her lovely suburban life to hold urine soaked 3 year olds in the slums of Costa Rica. /divdiv style="text-align: left;"br //divdiv style="text-align: left;"I don't do math or anything (span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"cause it gives me hives/span) but I'd venture to say that it's almost a statistical impossibility that I would be living the life that I'm living today./divdiv style="text-align: left;"br //divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"So, basically, what I'm getting at is, /span/bibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"the Law of Probability can bite me/span/b/ibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;". /span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"br //divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;"Because the laws of Faith, Hope, and Love tell a different story. /span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;"/span/bAnd I'm going to keep showing up to prove it./divdiv style="text-align: center;"br //divdiv style="text-align: left;"When I got home that day, I tweeted this:/diva onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XNUN5q61I/AAAAAAAAAhI/JEVHUl3CXo8/s1600/Picture+9.png" style="text-decoration: none;"img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 62px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_XNUN5q61I/AAAAAAAAAhI/JEVHUl3CXo8/s400/Picture+9.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473506669351332690" //a/divdiv style="text-align: left;"...because when we arrived that day, the kids swarmed us with so many hugs and kisses and I-missed-you!-Where-have-you-been?'s you would have thought we'd been gone a year and not a week. Or, you might have thought, as I did, "Good God, ihow /iiunlikely/ii is this?! /iThat a foreigner with bad Spanish and a weak stomach could become beloved and missed to this smelly bunch of ragamuffin babies!" /divdiv style="text-align: left;"br //divdiv style="text-align: left;"And I had to remind myself that "likelihood" and "probability" aren't words that matter to me anymore. b It's true, /bbwe may not be making a huge dent in the War on Poverty, but we are /bibtotally/b/ib kicking the Law of Probability's ass. And that's a pretty good start.../b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bbr //b/divdiv style="text-align: left;"bYour turn: What is your unlikely story?/b/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-5000334005083573324?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/RpOb4uUWuhk" height="1" width="1"/
This is a test. Or an opportunity.
divbr //divspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"This is a test... I mean, it's an /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"opportunity/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"./span/spandivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I just added a new comment system on the VWM. At least I think I did. I'm not sure, and I won't /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"be/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" sure until/span/spanibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" you/span/span/b/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" say something in comments./span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"So, this is a test. A comments test. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"It WILL be graded./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" On a curve. /span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"If you're wondering /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"why/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" I'm adding a new comment thingy, it's because A) Sometimes you guys say things that make me smile, or cry, or cringe, or sigh, or laugh, or roll my eyes, but mostly /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"smile/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", and I don't see it until, like, 5 comments later and /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I'd really like to give you an "attaboy" or an "attagirl" or an "attatrani"/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" ... or whatever, but I have weird guilt issues if I don't comment back to everyone in between and that just feels kinda /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"forced/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", ya know? but also, B) I'd love to see all y'all talking to each other so we can be more like /span/spanibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"the Very Worst Community/span/span/b/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", and C)...nope, that's it, just the 2 reasons: /span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"So I can talk to /span/span/bibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"YOU/span/span/b/ibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", and so you can talk to /span/span/bibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"EACH OTHER/span/span/b/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"...../span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"./spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"but ospan class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Georgia, serif;font-size:16px;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"nly if you want to, no pressure or anything./spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"(Ok, actually? There /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"is/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" pressure because I /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"really/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" need you to help me with this test.) /span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"You ar/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal; "bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"e officially being pressured to say something in comments/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"..../span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"and it better be clever/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"... or we will all point and laugh directly at you because I now have a comment system that makes it possible. I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"think/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"./span/span/span/span/span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"No, just kidding. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Say whatever you want./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" It can even be super lame./span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Here. /span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"If you need something to point and laugh at you can use this tragic picture from the day I accidentally left the house dressed like Princess Leia on the planet Hoth (at least that's what I'm told by Nerds-Who-Know-These-Things)./span/span/divdivbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bimg style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 146px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/TAP2ByFBuFI/AAAAAAAAAjg/pUeJ5CrxvD4/s320/Picture+26.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5477492082295814226" //b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bimg style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 221px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/TAP0EN0iEkI/AAAAAAAAAjY/P-OCu8Xi2Ww/s320/Picture+27.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5477489925079306818" //b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Worst outfit /span/span/bibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"ever/span/span/b/ibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"./span/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/b/divdiv style="text-align: center;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/b/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I was even gonna write a post about it called, Wearing the Full Armor of Princess Leia. But I didn't for /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"obvious/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" reasons. span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "You can talk about that if you want./span/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"But how about, in keeping with the theme of this blog and in the name of "worsts", you just share the WORST movie you've ever seen and why. That's not hard. And it's a good way to see who would like who in "real life". Right?/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Ok. Let's do this. If you're nervous, don't think of it as a test - think of it as an opportunity to be heard, or to introduce yourself for the first time, or to make fun of my outfit./span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Or to tell us/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;";/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" The WORST movie I've ever seen is..../span/span/b/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-8771106999743022488?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/7GRdBrJ8YFY" height="1" width="1"/
The 16 Most Amazing Things About You.
p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 9.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"/span/span/pspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"...No, not /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"you/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;". /span/spanbispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"YOU/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;", El Chupacabra/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"!/span/b/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"bbr //b/span/span/span/span/p/spanp/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 9.0px Helvetica"span style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"1. You are the smartest human I know. Ok, but /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"that’s not the thing./span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" The /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"thing /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"is that /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"you don’t/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" need/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" for people to know how smart you are./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"And we’ve known a lot of douchebaggy people that think they’re smart and want everyone to know how smart they are and mostly I just feel embarrassed for them, in part, because you’ve let them treat you like you’re a big, dumb, jock/cop/construction worker without telling them that you were invited to join Mensa in high school, or that you were an Academic Decathlon geek, or that you were, like, the only athlete living in the Freshman /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"honors dorm /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"in college, or that you studied Math and Engineering while also playing football with a wife and baby at home. /spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/spanspan style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And then, when you bust out with some super nerd jargon, or when you whomp ass in a game of RISK, or whatever, everybody acts all surprised and you’re just like, “What...?” /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"2. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"You smell AMAZING/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". And I know if I said that out loud you’d say “Thank you, I just farted.” Which is a super lame joke but still makes me chuckle. But really.../span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"amazing/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".../span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"3. A loooong time ago you took me across the California state line into Nevada, and we’ve been crossing all kinds of lines, borders, and boundaries together ever since. And /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"never /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"would have had the guts to do any of it without you/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". And now we’re missionaries and everything and in some ways I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"totally/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" owe that to you. (I know that sometimes I say that as if I’m blaming you for something /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"really awful/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", but usually I mean it like I’m thanking you for something really great.) /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"4. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" You’re cool/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". No... for real./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"5. You’ve gotten really /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"good at apologizing when you’re wrong./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" And not freaking out when I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"should be/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" apologizing when I’m wrong /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"but I don’t/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" because I’m still trying to get as good at it as you. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"6. In the past 3 years I’ve said to you again and again, “But... you don’t know how to do that.”...”You don’t know how to /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"weld/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".”, “You don’t know how to /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"build furniture/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", from like, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"trees/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".”, “You don’t know how to /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"surf/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".”, “You don’t know how to /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"speak Spanish/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".”, “You don’t know how to /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"coach a football team/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".” And then you’ve gone and done all those things, plus a million more. And/span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" I love that you’re not intimidated by /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"anything, /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"ever/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"..../span/span/i/bispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/i/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"i/i/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"7. But even more /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I love that you’ve taught me how to be a learner/span/span/bispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And you’ve encouraged me again and again, by saying “You can learn to do that.”.... “You can/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" learn/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" how to make flan.”, “You can /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"learn/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" to speak Spanish.”, “You can /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"learn /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"how to write a blog.” “/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Maybe/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" you can learn to use punctuation properly.”/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"8. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"You make chinese fried rice, and it is /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"awesome/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". /span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"b/b/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"9. You tell me I’m pretty when I look like Oscar the Grouch took a steamy dump on my head. And I know I act like I’m all mad, but really? /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I love that you love me best when I’m a hot mess./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"10. We like most of the same TV. That’s a pretty big deal relationshipnally. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"11. You don’t care that I make up new words all the time and use them as if no one notices. And you didn’t correct me for 15 years while I said “For all intensive purposes.” Which might annoy some people, but to me just says that /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"you know what matters and you don’t get bent out of shape about what doesn’t/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"12. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"You can laugh at yourself./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"13. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"You can laugh at me./span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"b/b/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"14. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"We can laugh at us together. /span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"b/b/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"15. The other night when you were outside at 11pm killing massive amounts of cockroaches with cancer causing poison, I was struck, once again, by how /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"you are /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"always/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" willing to take on the biggest, dirtiest, worst jobs/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".... and maybe that’s how you ended up with /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"me/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" 16 years ago. And I thanked God for you./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"16. Um. That thing I said /span/span/spanspan style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"a href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/05/unequally-joked.html"yesterday/a/span/span/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"? About /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"the way you took off your shirt/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".... Yeah, you /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"still/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" do that, and it /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"still/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" makes me bite my bottom lip. ;)/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-large;"Happy 16th Anniversary. /span/bHere’s to another...however-many-you-can-take. Cheers!/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/span/pp/pdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:100%;"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:12px;"br //span/span/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-4788698663753636484?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/ivTgdQXateQ" height="1" width="1"/
Unequally Joked.
bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Tomorrow is my 16th Anniversary. No kidding./span/span/bdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And I've been trying, for like/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" 3 weeks/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", to write something awesome to post as a tribute to El Chupacabra. /spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"But I'm failing so miserably./span/b/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Look, here's an excerpt from something I wrote and then scrapped:/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"br //span/divdivp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"...It’s kind of like 16 years ago today, in a ceremony that lasted 12 minutes and included a three month old baby in a velvet, one-piece tuxedo, an /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"Ox/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;" was yoked together with a /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"Chihuahua/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;". You're the ox; Strong, smart and capable. I'm the chihuahua; Yappy, annoying, and bug-eyed (and most of the time, you just wanna throw it under a passing car.)/span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;" /span/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"See? /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Ugh. This is /span/span/bibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"so/span/span/b/ibspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" hard!! /span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"(yes, we'll all wait while you insert your moronic/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"joke here: __________________) So then I tried this: /span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"The first time I saw you, you were taking off your shirt./span/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;" But not how normal people do it, like, one arm at a time. /span/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"No/span/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;". You reached both arms over your head and pulled it up from the back.../span/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;" all sexy like/span/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"./span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"You were stripping because everybody wanted to see your first tattoo (so new it was still covered in plastic wrap and vaseline). /span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"And this was /span/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"way/span/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;" before everyone and their grandma went and got a corny tribal arm band. It was before tramp stamps and shoulder fairies and ankle dolphins and it was before everybody got a chinese proverb on their butt or wherever./span/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;" It was almost as if you were the first person on the face of the planet to get a tattoo, the way everyone was looking at you like you were crazy. You were like 18 and a day. And /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"so/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;" cute./span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"But I didn’t actually meet you that day. I just saw you from behind, taking your shirt off like a Chip-n-Dale dancer. And I liked it.....a lot. /span/span/span/span/pdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Gah. Seriously?! I suck at this!/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"It's like I just don't know how you say thank you for marrying me after you knocked me up and I had your kid 16 years ago and if I'd known you were gonna turn out to be some kinda Jesus loving Spanish speaking super hero of mythological proportion I probably would have said thank you on our wedding day instead of waiting until now./span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"br //span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Ya know? /span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"How do you /spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"say/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" that to someone? ...but not have it sound crappy ...or corny ...or contrived ...or lame./span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Speaking of lame:/span/span/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"br //span/span/divdivp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"I always thought it was weird that Superman liked Lois Lane. I mean, he was freaking /span/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"Superman. /span/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"And she was this sort of average, boring, snotty chick with a crappy car and an icky voice. Ridiculous./span/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia, serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Yeah. I actually wrote "ridiculous" and felt embarrassment when I tapped out that little igem/i./span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"iWhat am I gonna do??? /i/span/span/p/divdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:-webkit-xxx-large;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:16px;"br //span/span/span/span/div/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-2748563788814398712?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/yM79ftxG500" height="1" width="1"/
Um. That's my SON, not my boyfriend... Ew.
divp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"You pretty much know, /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"when you’re 17 and the pee stick says “+”/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", that you’ve /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"severely /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"effed up your own life. /span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"But, once you decide not to have an abortion and after you conclude that you are, in fact, too selfish to give your baby up for adoption, you move on. You quit wallowing in self despair, and you get used to the idea that you /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"are /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"going to shove a human outta your girl-howdy, and that human will be your kid, and that kid will be just fine in your loving hands./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"No harm, no foul.... or something like that./span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"At least that’s how it went for me; I got knocked up at 17 and everything turned out just fine. True story. I mean, yeah, it wasn’t /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"ideal/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" to have a child when I was still, well... a /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"child.... /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"But it worked out. I mean, /span/span/spanspan style="text-decoration: underline ; letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I don’t /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"recommend/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" it/span/span/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", and I NEVER would have planned it that way, but I can’t really complain about how it’s all gone down for me. Naturally, yes, there have been consequences. It’s been a tough road at times, but I’ve always felt that by God’s grace I’ve come through the slutty missteps of my youth relatively unscathed. Then, last year, on Mother’s Day, when my oldest son gave me a hand made card that said, /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"“Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! Thanks for not aborting me!”/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;", I felt reassured that he’d survived the trial and error (but mostly error) of having been raised by very young, very stupid parents, pretty much unharmed as well. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I can honestly say that I never really felt like I ruined his life by having him when I was so young. I didn’t really think that our relatively short age difference was gonna mess with his head in unimaginable ways. /span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"bBut I was wrong. So very wrong.... /b/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"See, the thing is, my baby boy is 16 now, and he’s 6’ 3”, and he wears chops down to his jaw, soooo /span/spanbispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"he’s like... a man./span/span/i/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" And I never stopped buying my clothes at Forever 21./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"So we went to the mall the other day, just the two of us, and when we were in the foodcourt I was like, “Jeez, what is wrong with these people?! Do you feel like we’re getting stared at? Like, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"more /span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"than usual...” And he was all, “Um. /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Yeah/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;".” And I was like, “What is the /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"deal/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"? Sheesh, now I’m getting dirty looks from that crew of grannies over there by Taco Bell!” And my son said, “Mom” and he shoved exactly half of a Subway sandwich in his mouth, “They’re staring because they’re trying to figure out what’s going on here.” and his index finger wagged back and forth between us, /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"“Those old ladies? They think you’re a dirty cougar....”/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" And then he just finished eating, as if he hadn’t uttered the most disturbing thing in the world./span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/p p style="text-align: center;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/span/spanimg style="text-align: left;float: right; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 295px; height: 392px; " src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_sN0B_N9xI/AAAAAAAAAi4/gyIweX5owzg/s400/Picture+24.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5474984959536920338" /span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica, serif;"/span/span/pspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"div style="text-align: left;"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"A /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"cougar!/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" A COUGAR. I mean, really? A cougar?! What a bunch of creepy pervs! So I have a baby when I'm young and, what!, suddenly I'm freaking Demi Moore?? This is my SON, not my BOYFRIEND!/span/span/b/div/spanp/pp style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span"span class="Apple-style-span"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And I started to get all kinds of mad at the creepers /span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;"span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"who were staring at us, star/span/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;"span style="letter-spacing: 0px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"ing at /span/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"me, /span/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"and trying to pervert the love of a /span/span/span/spanspan style="text-decoration: line-through; letter-spacing: 0px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"young hot/span/span/span/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" Mother and her son by making me into something that I wasn’t. A /spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"cougar/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". Pshhhh..../span/span/span/span/span/span/span/span/span/span/pp style="text-align: right;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And then I started to feel really bad for my son. Bec/spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"ause, seriously?, that is /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"messed up/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;". /span/span/span/span/pp style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"No teenage boy should ever have people looking at him as though he is /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"actually on a date/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"with his Mom/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"..... Ew. Ew. Ew. No. Never. That should /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"never/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" happen. /span/span/span/span/pp style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; min-height: 14px; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"And I wanted to be really pissed off at the jerks that kept looking at us funny, but /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"the truth is/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" that I’m the one that messed it all up for him. /spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I think/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"I’m/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" the pervert./span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" /spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"No, not because I still shop at Forever 21./spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" It’s because, when I was young, I thought the only way to show a boy that I liked him was by having sex with him. So I did. And then, duh, I got pregnant. And, in a nutshell, that’s all just a /spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"huge perversion of God’s plans/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" for love, and sex, and bringing kids into the world and stuff. Having people judge me, and unfairly assume that I am a cougar is simply an extended consequence of my earlier lameness. Sadly, my son also has to live with the repercussions of having a Mom that is kind of a retard./span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Sooo.... I’m a pervert, and I have officially ruined my kid's life. There. I said it. /span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"But the other part of /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"the truth is/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;" that my son will probably be just fine. Despite me, to spite me, or in spite of me, he’ll turn out alright. /span/span/p/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"bEven if people keep looking at us funny. He'll be alright. /b/span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/diva onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_r4qgyS99I/AAAAAAAAAio/bQArCMVo5Ts/s1600/Picture+8.png"img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 301px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_s7WlcJ_k35w/S_r4qgyS99I/AAAAAAAAAio/bQArCMVo5Ts/s320/Picture+8.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5474961706261346258" //adiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"That's the cool thing about Grace; we're both just covered in it. Shoot, we've got more Grace than Demi Moore has Botox. /span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/divdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"There but for the Grace of God go I... and my poor son... /span/divdivdiv style="text-align: center;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: underline; "span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/span/divbr //divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-4234136342864848171?l=www.theveryworstmissionary.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/2oY2t-dtWRc" height="1" width="1"/
Being like Herpes: An object lesson in spreading Faith.
p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#990000;"After a href="http://jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com/2010/05/missionaries-probably-shouldnt-be.html"last weeks post/a, which btw, had the MOST HILARIOUS run in comments in the history of blogging (thanks to all who shared their stripper names - you brought me great joy!), this seemed like the most appropriate thing to follow:/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"br //span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"When our middle son was a just few weeks old, he was hospitalized because he was having these crazy seizures. It was awful. But the worst part was when the doctor came in and told us they wanted to give him /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"a/span/span/ibispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" /span/span/i/bispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"spinal tap/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" to rule out the possibility of a/span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Herpes infection on his brain/span/span/i/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"./span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"br //span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Helvetica, serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"I looked at my tiny newborn son, and then back up at the waiting doctor, and I was like, “Um...I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"think/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" he’s still a /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"virgin/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"....”/span/span/span/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"...Sorry..it's not that funny. /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Herpes is no laughing matter../span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';". *snickers* No really.../span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"don’t go!/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" I’m sorry. I am. I won’t laugh about herpes any more (/span/span/spanspan style="font: 9.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"ok./spanspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;" that /span/span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"might/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;" have been a lie. we’ll have to see/span/span/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';")./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Um. So, the good doctor went on to explain that sometimes Herpes can be passed from mother to infant as the infant passes through the birth canal. (/span/span/spanspan style="font: 9.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"*yiiichk* I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"hate/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;" the word “birth”!/span/span/spanspan style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';") and then it can form lesions on the baby’s brain. That was a terrifying thought and we still didn’t know why our baby was seizing so we had to consider the likelihood. And even though /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"I didn’t /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"think/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" I had Herpes, and I didn’t /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"think/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" El Chupacabra had herpes/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';", we both sort of shrugged our shoulders and admitted that it was certainly within the realm of possibility. Then we /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"begged/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" the doctor to test us instead of torturing and potentially maiming our precious son, but he said that wouldn’t do the trick, and ultimately we allowed the procedure./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Turns out he didn’t have brain Herpes./span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"He’s 12 now, completely seizure free, and has grown into the most brilliant, most gorgeous, most amazing middle child I have /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"ever/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" had./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"And I /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"think/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" he’s still a /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"virgin/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"./span/span/b/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"I’m /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"kidding!/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" Just kidding.... relax..../span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Anyway, I heard this report the other day about how Herpes is spreading like crazy in /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"retirement communities/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"! *shudder* And then I saw another report about how it’s catching like crotch burning wildfire on high school and college campuses. And by the end of the report, I was completely convinced that one cannot run to the store for milk without also picking up an unwanted case of Herpes. It’s THAT prevalent. bSo old people are spreading it around, and young people are spreading it around, and, based on the number of soccer-moms I know who also have it, everyone in the middle is spreading it around. /b /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"And then the VERY NEXT report said /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"the church in North America is shrinking/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';". And I was like, “Man, if only we could spread our Faith as well as we spread Herpes.” And then I had this great idea for a line of VWM t-shirts that say “/span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Jesus lasts longer than Herpes!/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"” and “/span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Spread Hope not Herpes!!/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"”. But then I remembered that Christian t-shirts suck./span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Anyway, where am I going with this......?/span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"Oh yeah. My point is that/span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" maybe the church needs to take a lesson from Herpes/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';". We need to be getting more intimate with people, I mean, not like /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"that/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" kind of intimate, but maybe we need to invest in the people around us on a deeper level (but not like /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"that/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"). I’m just saying that if /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"we want Jesus to go viral, like Herpes,/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';" we’re gonna have to /span/spanbspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"get spiritually naked/span/span/bspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';", bare our souls, share our faith in a way that others can’t even help but to pass it along. /span/span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica; min-height: 14.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"/spanbr //span/span/p p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica"span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"Also? I was afraid to post this cause I don’t want to offend anyone who may, /span/spanispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"or may not/span/span/ispan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;", have a raging case of the Herp. This is why I didn’t specify that I don't have it. It’s like a mysteriously veiled show of solidarity with my virus carrying friends. *pounds fist to chest*/span/span/span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"br //span/pp style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 10.0px Helvetica"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman', serif;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"Soooo, whadaya think? I mean, about the t-shirts?? Slogan suggestions are welcome./span/span/pdivspan class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Helvetica, serif;font-size:85%;"span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:10px;"br //span/span/divdiv class="blogger-post-footer"img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/6918305754409517229-5678615884680267567?l=jamiewrightcr.blogspot.com' alt='' //divimg src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/JamieTheVeryWorstMissionary/~4/X581bfNE2-o" height="1" width="1"/