I went to get my Pap test done like a responsible woman (that´s the Smear if you´re English, Pap in the rest of the world, based on the work of one Greek doctor George Papanicolaou (1883–1962)).
The gynacologist said “How long has your neck been like that?” So I said “like what?” And she sent me to the endocrynologist.
The endocrynologist said “Enlarged tyroid” and sent me for ultrasounding and a bunch of other tests.
The urine test showed up as having an infection, and I said “oh yes that´s happened before” so they sent me to the urologist.
The urologist sent me for more ultrasounding and a further bunch of tests and diagnosed a prolapsed bladder. (I didn´t enjoy that second pregnancy).
He said, “it´s a minor op” and sent me for a yet another bunch of pre-op tests.
The cardiologist performed an ECG and said “this isn´t right” and hooked me up to a thing with a lot of wires that I had to wear for 24 hours.
The cardiologist said “You have a minor insufficiency, but it´s practically normal in human beings. It doesn´t need treatment, come back in a year” and sent me back to the urologist.
Meanwhile, the endocrinologist sent me away for six months. The bloods show that the tyroid is functioning normally. There is a big cyst attached to the outside but there don´t appear to be any indicators that it needs operating on.
Yesterday the urologist put my bladder back in its place and attached it with barbed wire (or that´s what it feels like today anyway).
On Saturday and on Sunday they do no work at all, so it was on a Monday morning that the gas man came to call…. Flanders and Swann
The moral of the story:- Beware of the Pap…. It came back just fine by the way.