On a distant planet

Having dutifully filled in my twenty pedantic screens (skirting around various broken links including the final submit button grrr), I finally completed and sent off my application to beg the DVLA to replace my stolen driving licence.  They, bless their little alien hearts, sent me by return another form which says, I quote:-

Thank you for using our online driving licence service.  Before we can issue your driving licence you must sign and date this form to declare your driving licence is lost, stolen or destroyed. 

Return this form and your cut up licence using the envelope provided. 

Question is what are they going to do to me if I don’t cut up and return the licence that I don’t have because if I did have it I wouldn’t be trying to apply for a new licence?  (We are the Borg.  You will be assimilated…) 

And then the next day they sent me yet another blank form to apply for a replacement driving licence, which as far as I can ascertain is exactly the same form as the form I already filled in which started all the trouble in the first place.  If I fill in the second one will that just generate even more confusion, or if I pretend I never received it, will that stall my application forever? 

Meanwhile on a different planet, and skipping over the slight irony that our local cinema was closed owing to the town centre being flooded, I am struggling to understand the polemics surrounding the Noah film.  Apart from being truly dull and boring as a piece of cinema, it is also such a long way from the Biblical account that I just can’t see what there would be to get excited about on either side.  It is a fantasy film about a bunch of characters, some of whom have the same names as some other guys in the Bible.  So what?  If the makers of Star Trek had happened to call a pair of aliens Troilus and Cressida I’d like to imagine that most Shakespearean critics would have better things to do with their time than to bother hunting for a biro.  

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